"If it's the beaches' sands you want then you will have them" or "It's the freakin' weekend, baby, I'm about to have me some fun" or "Send lawyers, guns, and money!"

I am extremely pleased with the three song lyrics I chose for the titles of this blog entry. For the first time since starting this blog, the lyrics do not only relate to the entry. They actually perfectly follow the trajectory of the the past few days in Koh Phangan. This weekend was a perfect mixture of paradise, partying, and police. I couldn't have asked for a better island experience.

Part I: "If it's the beaches' sands you want, then you will have them." For those of you who don't know, Koh Phangan (roughly pronounced "Coh-Pan-Yang") is a beatiful island off the east coast of the country in the Gulf of Thailand. If you've seen the Leonardo DiCaprio film The Beach, some of the scenes were filmed on Koh Phangan. We rented a bungalow within spitting distance of Hat Rin, one of the more popular backpacker beaches on the island. I never consider myself much of a beach person until I find myself on one, and then I love it. Hat Rin is a resort for young travelers. It's cheap, breathtakingly gorgeous, and an absolute blast. To some degree, I think that if you've seen one beach, you've seen them all. I'm not going to waste much time describing it, but here are some photos I took:

Part II: "It's the freakin' weekend, baby, I'm about to have me some fun." The island of Koh Phangan is probably best known for its internationally renowned party scene. Once a month, travelers from all over the world decend on Hat Rin for the Full Moon Party, a festival that used to be, as Lonely Planet describes, "a Southeast Asian Burning Man" but has since turned into a spring break boozefest. We were unable to coincide our trip with this month's Full Moon (on the 19th), but that's probably for the best. We managed to hit the Half Moon Party, a slightly smaller affair (though still insane). It's part jungle rave, part Panama City, part circus, part hippie music festival, and a hearty dose of European discoteque. It was quite a scene, and we did not return to our Hat Rin bungalow until the sun was up well over the horizon.

Certainly, I had an amazing time at the Half Moon Party, but the better parties occurred nightly on the beach. Each and every night, scores of bar vendors line the beach. Several more establishment bars blare loud house/dance remixes of famous pop songs. Local teenagers spin, spit, and twirl fire. There is a non-stop parade of games (fire limbo, fire jump rope, fire spitting, musical chairs, etc etc). We did that every night on the beach. It was all quite a blast. Here are some photos of the absurd parties we attended:

Fire twirler





Half Moon Party

Part III: "Send lawyers, guns, and money!" Brace yourself, because this is one of the crazier experiences I've ever had, and certainly the most absurd that has occurred on this trip. Before I get into it, though, here is a disclaimer (primarily for my mom, aunts, sister, and others): nobody was ever in any actual physical danger. In some sense, we always knew that. The only real question was, "How much will we have to pay?" As you read on, keep that in mind.

On Saturday night, we were all on Hat Rin as usual, drinking and hanging out. Josh, Grant, and I were walking from one end of the beach to The Cactus, the best dance bar in the area. Out of nowhere, a Thai police officer in a green uniform (the color becomes important) walks up to us and begins hassling us. Before we knew it, he led Grant up to the street, put him on the back of a motorbike, and drove him away. Still in shock, Josh and I went to assess the situation with some of the friendly bartenders we had come to know. They saw the whole scene, and they told us that Grant was "arrested" on a drug offense (falsely) and would have to pay up to a $1000 bribe. According to them, it would help if we went to the police station to make our presence known.

So, we woke up Mike and headed to the Hat Rin police station. There was nobody there except one guard in civilian clothing, who happened to be asleep on a bench. He told us to check the larger jail at Thongsala. This we did, hiring a taxi to take us to the other side of the island and wait there for us. When we arrived, the police told us that they had no record of Grant getting arrested. They called all of their police, and nobody had heard of him (supposedly). Furthermore, the Hat Rin police are supposed to wear brown uniforms, not green. At this point, they became much more concerned, as did we, because it started to look like Grant had been kidnapped by fake police.

We went back to guest house, where Grant was stressed out and chain-smoking cigarettes. I will not go into the details of his experience (because I'm tired and don't entirely know what happened myself). However, it probably involved all of the following: (1) Grant getting taken to a secluded alley off of the beach and handcuffed to a chair. (2) A strip search. (3) Police smoking pot in front of Grant in a strange sort of taunting manner. (4) Grant getting an ultimatum between a year in prison, a $300 fine, and a game of Russian Roulette (no kidding!). Keep in mind, too, these are all on false charges, and it's going on while the police at the station are currently on the horn to all of their people trying to figure this out.

Obviously, Grant went with the $300 fine (AKA bribe), but he only had a little bit of money on him. Even his checking account was fairly empty (only around $150 in it), so one of the "officers" escorted him to the ATM and cleaned him out. By the time we caught up with Grant at the bungalow, we pieced all of our stories together. The "cop" was supposed to come back in the morning for the rest of the money, but he had apparently been checking in periodically with Grant since they dropped him off. When the corrupt bastard came around again, Josh had enough money to cover the rest of the extortion. We all had to bite our tongues to not make the situation worse. Anyway, the guy drove away, and that was the last we saw of him. The only looming question is whether or not they were corrupt real police or clever fake police. I suppose we'll never know for sure.

This is a somewhat common horror story in Thailand. It's in all of the guide books. Because drug laws are so strict here now, corrupt officials can take advantage of language barriers and traveler's fears to drum up charges and line their own pockets. It's pretty ridiculous. Again, though, we were never in any real danger. I can hear you worrying (I'm looking at you, mom and Aunt Sharon), so please don't.
So that's about it for our weekend in Koh Phangan. It was a few days filled with picturesque beaches, tropical parties, and hearty dose of extortion at the hands of non-police (or, at the very best, corrupt police). Quite crazy. I'm glad to be back in Bangkok after another long travel itinerary featuring taxis, buses, and sleeper trains.

I am finally leaving Thailand in the next couple of days to head north. I have heard that internet is quite scarce where I'm going, so it may be a couple of weeks before I can update this blog. Rest assured that, as soon as I get to an internet cafe, I'll keep you all posted. Still having a great time, and still saying safe (believe it or not). Hope all is going well back home.

"Be well, do good work, and keep in touch."

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